Broken Star
by mel barrow
Summary: Kathryn janeway has to returned to earth broken hearted. Can someone make her whole again or will fear forever contol her?
1. Chapter 1

Epilogue

The star ship voyager. That's were to begin. Intrepid class starship. A smaller and sleeker design. Captained by Kathryn Janeway. Its mission was in the badlands. To retrieve Janeway's chief of security. When the ship did not return to base, search parties were immediately sent out. When they did not find any sign of the missing ship families were immediately notified. Five years later Starfleet received a message saying that the ship thought dead was instead lost in the delta quadrant. The news spread like wildfire through the quadrant. Six months later messages from the long dead were sent home. A year and a half later the missing ship finally returned home. This is the story of what happened to that ship's captain, after voyager.

Chapter 1

Her hair practically matching the color of the late fall leaves, dressed in a long black leggings with a dark green long sleeved top, and a long tan trench coat, Kathryn Janeway was walking a twisting path, following a river. But she was not the same Kathryn Janeway who had returned from the delta quadrant exuberant and triumphant. She had changed.

Her blue-green-gray eyes scanned the mountains. The famous Colorado Mountains, she was close enough to pick out the shapes of indivual trees. The cold gray steel color of the ancient peaks matched her eyes perfectly. The river turned away and the path turned onto a concrete sidewalk. A few people walked past her.

Kathryn let out a small sigh. Of all the places for here to end up in the galaxy, this was one of the least likely. Just like the delta quadrant. After this thought she almost smiled. Kathryn hadn't smiled much lately. She mused about how she ended up here. It had probly started with the wedding. She felt a sudden pang of sadness. Witch one? Probly Harry's. Kathryn could still remember the first time she saw him. The memory still brought a ghost of a smile to her lips. The moment his girl friend Libby had heard of his return, she had waited at the transporter station and when she saw him asked him to marry her. They eloped a week later.

Shortly after this Chacotay and Seven anocced their engagement. Anthore pang of sorrow struck Kathryn at this memory. She remembered their wedding day. All of voyagers crew had been there and at sevens insistence, Naomi Wildman had been the flower girl. Tuvok gave seven away. Kathryn, herself, had been sevens maid of honor. Kathryn remembered seven walking down the alile. Dressed in pure white, a vision. Chacotay had stood at the alter looking incredibly handsome and happy. As soon as they were pronounced married every one had surged forward to congratulate them. With practiced ease, Kathryn had navigated her way through the crowd to wish them the best of luck, and tell them they were going to be very happy together. Then Kathryn left. She left them behind. She took a year leave. Then she packed up and moved to a small town called Heritage Colorado. Kathryn's home was now a small house at the corner of Roslyn and Yates. Kathryn closed her eyes to savor the memory. Later in life she look back on this and think of it as the best desion she ever made. BAM!! Kathryn stumbled and fell back ward. She opened her eyes to discover what she had run into. As it turned out it was a man. He was getting to his feet, as he did Kathryn studied him. He was about 5 foot nine, with a slim muscular build. He had dark hair now liberally streaked with gray. Just then Kathryn realized that he was holding his hand out to help her up. "Oh, thank you." She said, slightly flustered. Kathryn looked into his eyes and noticed that they were the purest, brightest, green she had ever seen.

"I'm sorry for walking into you, I suppose my mind was just in other places." She said apologizing.

"Oh it's my fault. I should have been watching were I was going." He said. She noticed that he had a very strong Irish accent. Then he stuck out his hand. "My name is Finn O'Reily." Kathryn took his hand. It was warm and comforting, somehow. She said

"Mine's Kate." For some reason she didn't want to tell him her name quite yet. "Well, Kate would you care to acominate me for a cup of coffee?" Finn asked her. Kathryn didn't even need to hesitate. She missed coffee desprateitly.

"I would love to," she said picking up the book he had dropped. She noticed it was a book of DaVince sketches.

Soon they had arrived at a small neat building. Kathryn looked at the sign. "Common Grounds." She entered behind Finn and found herself in a dark well furnished room. On one side there was a long counter displaying cookies and muffins the strong aroma of coffee drifted through the air. It appeared to be almost empty. There was a woman behind the counter.

"May I introduce you to Tracy." Said Finn, "tracy owns common grounds." Kathryn said hi to Tracy.

Tracy smiled at her then turned to Finn and asked

"What'll have Finn?" The smiled boyishly at him.

" The same thing I've had for the last nine years. Coffee, black."

Kathryn looked at him. She hand never met anther person who took their coffee black. Tracy was now looking at her.

"What do you want?" she asked. Kathryn blushed.

"The same." She answered sheepishly. Tracy rolled her eyes and handed them their coffee.

"I suppose I should introduce you to the other people who come in here." Finn said turning and leaning against the counter.

" There would be more if Tracy didn't scare them all away." Said a disembodied voice from the coron table.

"Kate let me introduce you to Derek." said Finn nodding in his direction. "And his friend nick. Both go to the heritage collage." Continued Finn. Both Derek and nick waved from the table. "Next, Lisa." said Finn. At the sound of her own name Lisa looked up. She was sitting in the darkest corer. Near the bookshelves. She was just visible. She was wearing black turtleneck, black jeans, and sunglasses. Lisa was also reading a dark blue book.

"Hello." She greeted Kathryn a feathery, misty voice.

"how is it that she can read when she's sitting in the corror with sun glasses on?" whispered Kathryn to Finn. He shook his head.

" we think she's spying on us." He murmured in her ear. Kathryn could feel the hair on her arms rise. He turned back to the counter. "And there's Mr. Simons." Kathryn could make out the shape of an old man hunched over a newspaper.

"Been coming in sense my mother opened the shop." Said Tracy. " By way finn since you were at a board meeting yesterday I saved the news paper." She said. Finn thanked her. Tracy turned back to her coffee. Finn walked over to a window booth. He pushed out a chair for Kathryn, and then took a seat for himself. He looked at the front page of the paper and nearly chocked on his coffee. Finn stared at the front page, and then read aloud, "Kathryn Janeway declared missing last night." The small coffee house went silent. Kathryn could feel her face drain of color. " I think these one thing Finn neglected to mention. We all have a very, er, strong passion for anything voyager." Said Tracy. Kathryn looked at Finn, feeling her heart rate increase rapidly. He nodded.

"And in Finn's case he has a crush on captain Janeway." Said Derek sniggering. Finn couched loudly into his hand. It sounded suspically like

"Seven of nine". Kathryn couldn't help but smile. Finn turned to her. "What about you? Do you like voyager?" he asked her. Kathryn smiled at him. "It's my favorite subject." Finn smiled at her. For once, in six months, Kathryn Janeway felt very happy. Two weeks later she was still going.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two weeks ago, commander Chacotay woke up and tried to remember why he felt miserable. Then it came down on him with crushing force. Last night, having to announce captain Janeway's disappearance. Today he and every one else, who were on the serion staff, would open the rosewood box and the pale cream envelope. He got up, dressed, and walked into the living room where the box and envelope sat on a small table. Seven was sitting on the couch, looking out the window. Chacotay knew what she was looking for. They had all been hoping that when the disappearance had been she would come back and explain it. But the captain had been gone at least six months. He rembered how they had found the rosewood box. After thy had discovered she was missing, he and Harry had search her office. When they opened the doors, the first thing they noticed was the tempera. It was freezing. And dark. There was dust on every thing. All her books were still there. Every thing was still there. Every PADD, every thing. And on her desk was the rosewood box with the envelope. They had yet to open either of the items.

A loud knock on the door jerked Chacotay out of his thoughts. He heard seven get up and open it. He heard toms and B'lenna's voices. He looked out the kitchen door. Tom and B'lenna had taken up their usual seats. B'lenna was holding a sleeping Mila. They greeted each other with out the usual smiles. There was a definite air of doom. Next to arrive was Harry and his wife Libby. Harry nodded his hello. Libby in some small miracle managed a small smile. The doctor crossed the threshold next. He nodded grimly. Tuvok was the last to arrive. When he and Chacotay had both been seated, there was a small tapping sound on the door. With a puzzled look, tom got up to answer it. A moment later he returned with little Naomi Wildman behind him. She went to sit by seven.

It was time. With out a word, Chacotay slipped his finer under the wax seal. The envelope opened easily. Inside there were several slips of paper. He unfolded them gently. Written in butiful elenagant script was a letter addressed to them.

_"My dearest crew,_

_As I sit here I can see you reading this letter. The shock, the horror, the disbelief. Let me say this. I'm sorry. Beyond anything else in this world, I'm sorry. For so many things. I regret many things in my life. But I'm truly sorry forever hurting you. Please forgive me. I regret ever getting us stuck in the delta quadrant. It was short sighted and selfish. Please, please forgive me. But in this letter I hope to explain some of the secrets I hid from you. For one I always had serious doubts about ever getting out of the delta quadrant, espillaly when half of the crew hated me. Sometimes I wonder if I made the right desion. So many things could have been averted. So much pain. But that's not why I wrote this letter. I wrote it to say goodbye. But I do want you to remember me. Not as the person writing this letter. But as the the captain Janeway who had never ending faith in her crew and in herself. _

_So as Kathryn Janeway's last will and testament, would like to leave her belongings to these people. To Commander Chacotay, I leave a lock of my hair, my voyager combaged, and the ring I made when I was posted aboard voyager. Do remember when we on that planet you used my hair to start fires. At least it used some practical use. And my cobadage. I remember when I received it. That's when you just athore face and voyager was just a ship. Sometimes I wish it had stayed that way. Chacotay I will miss you more than could ever tell you. I hope you know my heart belongs to you. To Tuvok, I leave all of my tactical reports, and all of my logs. I know that sometimes you didn't agree with my desions. Sometimes I wish that I had listened to you. You were there when I made the desion to stay in the delta quadrant. Please forgive my for separating you from your family for so long. Tuvok you shall always be my dearest friend. To tom Paris, I leave the letter I wrote recommending you for voyagers original mission. I should also tell you that, I to spent a summer in the French Rivera. I thought you should know how got to be so good at pool. To his wife B'lenna Torres I leave all of the dedesigns of voyager. Thank you for taking such good care of this ship. No matter what I put it through. I think I should let you know; I always loved you like a daughter. But I also know you were never my biggest fan. I'll miss you dearly. To Harry Kim I leave a photo taken of me when I was posted on my first deep space mission. I also want to leave you my combadge from that ship. I remember when I first met you. Please forgive me for separating you from Libby for such a long time. I know I can never forgive myself. Next to seven of nine, I leave my favorite tricorder. I know you still resent me for separating you from the collective. And you were right I did try to mold you my image. I'm sorry. I wish you and Chacotay all the luck in the world. You'll be very happy together I'm sure. To the E.M.H doctor I leave my book la vita nova. This is your new life. And last but not least to Naomi I leave the picture the senior staff took. Please remember neelix fondly._

_And so my friends, my crew, my support group, this is where our journey ends. Please remember me. Not as the broken hearted women writing this letter but as the captain who stare down a phaser barrel. Please remember and honor we lost. And do not search for me. It would be too painful. Good-bye._

_With all my heart and soul,_

_Captain Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway_

Chacotay finished reading. He looked up and saw there were tears in every ones eyes, even tuvoks. This had to be the most tragic thing he had ever read. Inside the rose wood box were the items she had named. Along with another smaller box, inside there were small pieces that fit easily together, like a puzzle. Quickly enough it was put together. It was in the shape of a broken heart. In the middle there was a poem that was sad enough to make tears cascade down their cheeks.

_I gave you my heart_

_And you ripped it apart_

_Because of you I'll never love again_

_What I lost I hope you gain_

_So even though our story ends_

_I'll remember you my friends_

_So even though you put me through hell_

_I hope your heart stays well_

_I gave you my heart_

_And you ripped it apart. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"So how did you become interested in voyager?" asked Kathryn. It was about two and half weeks after the reported disappearance. She was talking to Finn about voyager.

"Well, the disappearance was reported an exact year after I moved to Colorado. And it was all over the news for about a month. It was hard not to get sucked in." he smiled charmingly at her over his coffee. Kathryn smiled back. Kathryn must have smiled with Finn more than she had in an entire year back on earth. Kathryn and Finn clicked on so many levels. But she still didn't want to tell him her real name. To Finn she was "Kate"

The next day Finn walked in and immediately scanned for Kate. She wasn't there yet, but the paper was. He wondered vaguely if there was anything about voyager. His mind was still on Kate. The headliner was "recent photos of captain Janeway." Finn flipped the page and what he saw stopped him in his tracks. Just then Kate walked in the door. He looked at her then back down at the paper. Time seemed to stop as her eyes locked onto his then dropped down to the paper he was holding. Kate's jaw dropped and almost in slow motion she spun and pushed her way out the door. Finn dropped the paper and by the time he got to the door she was racing down the street. He hissed under his breath and ran after her. He'd been waiting too long. But damn it, she was fast. He knew that if she turned a corner it would be all over. She started to turn and Finn put on an extra burst of speed. Almost there, a little closer, and he'd have her. Then, he caught Kathryn's wrist, spun her toward him and grabbed her other arm. She twisted and squirmed trying vainly to free her self from his grasp. But Finn held her tight. She caught her breath and looked him in the eye with a blazing look.

"Why didn't you tell me you're Kathryn Janeway?" he demanded. Kathryn faltered.

"Because I didn't want you tell anyone." She said looking at him.

"That's outrageous! Who the hell would I tell?" he said now slightly confused. Kathryn looked at him now looking slightly angrily.

" There's a reason I left san Fran sisco. I didn't want to be around my crew any more." She said. Finn stared at her.

" Fine, I wont even ask. But why come here?" he asked. She shrugged the best she could considering he had her arms pinned.

" I don't know. It seemed like a good idea at the time." Finn released her arms. She surprised him by not turning and running. She was still breathing hard. Kathryn turned and walked up to the nearest house. She stood there with the door open.

" Well are you coming or not?" He crossed the threshold and found himself in a small, sparsely furnished house. It was clean and modern. Kathryn was removing her coat. Finn noticed that by holding her wrists so tightly they had bruised.

"Do you want any thing?" she asked turning to him.

"Oh, no" said Finn shaking his head. Kathryn smiled, walked into her kitchen then returned a moment later with two cups of coffee. " Thanks." He said taking it gratefully. She sat down at her small kitchen table. For a moment she was quiet. Then she said

"It's okay. You can ask. I can tell you're dyeing to." Kathryn looked at him, with a small smile turning up the corners of her mouth.

" What was it like? The delta quadrant I mean?" Finn asked with out hesitation. She looked down into her coffee.

"Most of the time, it was daunting. You know the consent threat of being killed by hirogan or kazon. Or even worse, being assimilated by the Borg. But sometimes, it was almost nice." Kathryn was looking at him. Finn could tell this was the start of something new for them.

Every morning Finn would stop by common grounds then proceed to Kathryn's house. Once their Kathryn would talk about voyager. After that they would talk about other things. Once Kathryn asked him "you never told me, what exactly do you do?"

" I'm a board member at the hospital here. I suppose it's like a business man, a doctor and a lawyer combined." He said with a rather wry smile. " My father was a doctor and I wanted to follow in his foot steps but in the end I discovered I liked this better." Kathryn tipped her head to one side looking at him, and then asked, "Why's that?" Finn thought for a moment. " Well I'm the youngest board member so I usually end up being the one defending the doctors. All the other board members are really to old to care what happens to them. But as it turns out I usually win the case." Kathryn smiled at him.

A few days later he came to her house looking slightly annoyed.

"whets wrong?" Kathryn asked him.

"The lease on my apartment is up and I have to move out by the end of the week." Said Finn.

"Why don't you move in with me?" Kathryn spoke before even considering what she was saying.

"Excuse me?" asked Finn, sure he had misheard.

" You should move in with me. It would be a lot less farther for you to walk" She said.

"Okay. I accept." Said Finn. By the end of the week he had moved into Kathryn's spare bedroom.

A few days after this transition, Finn got a page that he was needed at the hospital for a board meeting. Kathryn volunteered to go with him. " I can't stay in this house forever, finn." she said flippantly. He relented and let her come with. The hospital was a five and half block walk from her house.

As they entered, most of the nurses threw hatful looks at Kathryn. once safely inside the elevator Kathryn asked Finn, "what was that?" he looked at her sheepishly.

"lots of the women here, er, like me." Finn looked at her and saw much to his relief that she was hiding a smile. They arrived on the 3rd floor were the board meeting was to held. They exited and walked to the nurse's station. Carla Espinosa, the head nurse , was there doing paper work. " Hi Carla." Said Finn, reaching the desk.

" hello finn." She replied with out looking up. Much to Kathryn's relief Carla was wearing a wedding ring.

"Carla, I want you to meet Kate." Said Finn. Finally Carla looked up.

"oh. It's nice to meet you." She said shaking Kathryn's hand.

"likewise." Kathryn replied, taking her hand.

Finn spoke, "could you let dr. Kelso know that I'm here?" Carla nodded. As she turned away Carla's husband Chris Turk, and his best friend J.D. came up.

"hey Finn! What's up?" said Turk loudly.

" the ceiling." Said Finn. Why did Turk find it necessary to ask him this every time? He was always going to have the same answer.

"Ha ha." Said Turk sarcastically.

"So finn who will you be rescuing this time?" asked J.D.

"Hopefully, not you." Said Finn, joking. But J.D. had been distracted by Kathryn.

" Hey Finn, whose your friend?" asked J.D eyeing her. Kathryn moved a millimeter closer to Finn.

" This is Kate. Kate this is Turk and J.D" he said both J.D and Turk nodded to her. Just then their other friend, Elliot Reed, came up to talk to Carla.

"Hi Finn. How are you?" she asked him.

" I'm fine, Elliot I'd like you to meet my friend, Kate." Said Finn gesturing to Kathryn.

" It's nice to meet you." Said Kathryn politely. Elliot nodded politely, then turned to talk to Carla. Just then a loud, sarcastic voice erupted behind them.

" Well, well, well, what do we have here? Oh, why it's the Brady bunch." Kathryn tuned and found herself facing a tall, proud looking man.

" Kate this is Dr. Perry Cox. And his ex- wife, Jordan." Said Finn frowning slightly.

" Oh sorry finn. I didn't realize you and your girl friend were standing there." Said dr. Cox. Just as Kathryn was about to say hello, a very ugly look crossed his face. She turned and saw anthore man approaching. " Well bobo, whose career are you ruining today?" asked dr. Cox, crossing his arms over his chest.

" This is Dr. kelso, chief of medicine." Whispered Finn, entrancingly close to her.

"Perry, if all you wanted to take cheap shots all day then you should have gone into sports, but until then get out of my way." Said doctor kelso looking board. " If you two would be so kind to accominy, me." He said gesturing to Finn and Jordan. He opened a door and waved them througe. Thee door slid shut and Kathryn sighed. She then turned and found Carla, Elliot, Turk, and J.D. staring at her.

" Can I help you?" she asked them nervously. God she hoped they hadn't realized who she was. She and Finn had deiced to use her fake name.

"So what's it like?" asked Elliot, staring at Kathryn

" What?" asked Kathryn, now thourgeoly confused.

" What's it like dating Finn." Said Carla, as though stating the obvis.

" Finn and I are not dating. We're just friends." Said Kathryn

" Sure." Said Carla sarcastically. Then she turned away. Every one left. Kathryn sat down to watch the work around her.

Near the end of the board meeting Elliot came over to Carla." I forgot to give you this earlier. It has interviews with the crew of voyager, and recent pictures of captain Janeway." She said handing over a newspaper. Kathryn spun around and saw Carla holding a newspaper. She bent down to pick a box of paper clippings. Just then the boardroom door opened. Finn Jordan, and the other have poured out of the boardroom. Carla opened the newspaper, and looked at the photos. As she did Finn reached Kathryn, and realized what was transpiring. He gazed, horror struck as Carla looked up and yelled at the top of her lungs, "CAPTAIN JANEWAY IS STANDING RIGHT THERE!" A very long terse pause followed this proclamation. Kathryn could feel all eyes on her.

Finn grasped her arm and started to back away slowly and carefully. Carla's statement hadn't sunk in completely yet. "Get ready to run," he whispered to her. " They oppressed with you, and dr. Cox runs a six minute mile." Finally every thing that Carla said had its affect.

"GET HER!" yowled J.D. Kathryn and Finn sprinted towards the nearest elevator. Finn prepared to push the button, but Kathryn pulled him into a medical supply closet. " Why did you do that?" he asked, looking at her.

"Because, they'll assume that we took the elevator. Now shush!" she said, rather forcefully. Kathryn pressed her ear against the door. Finn realized that she was right. He heard voices from outside the door.

"Did they take the elevator?"

"Yes."

" We need to catch them." Finn heard the elevator doors open, then closed. Kathryn waited a moment then opened the door to a deserted corridor.

" Come on." She whispered, pulling him into a nearby room. She closed the door then crossed to the window and opened it. She looked down as though judging something. She turned to him and asked, " Do you trust me?" Finn looked at her and replied,

" With my life." Kathryn smiled at him.

"Good. Now come over here." She said. Finn walked over to the opened window. " This is only a two story jump. It wouldn't hurt us." Kathryn said looking at him and taking his hand. "Okay. Ready?" she asked making an attempt at a smile.

" As I'll ever be." Said Finn. Then they jumped.

To Finn, the jump seemed to go in slow motion. He turned his head to watch Kathryn as she jumped. Finn watched her face, with a passionate expression of determination. Her slender, lithe body pointed towards the covering like an arrow. In those few crystalline moments Finn realized that Kathryn was everything he desired more than anything he had ever known.

The covering came up to meet them and the impact shocked Finn but didn't hurt him. He got up with Kathryn and ran to the edge of the covering. They jumped again. At that same moment the elevator doors opened and the hospital staff saw as Kathryn and Finn jumped and they gave chase. Kathryn and Finn were already up and running toward the street. The staff was in hot pursuit. Kathryn and Finn were weaving in and out of the crowded streets, trying to lose the staff. Their legs still hurt from their earlier jump and it was getting harder to run. was almost on top of them as they put on an extra burst of speed, turned onto their street, opened the door, and ducked safely inside before dr. Cox saw which house it was.

Kathryn and Finn sat panting with their backs pressed against the door. Finn looked over at Kathryn, who was having a hard time catching her breath. As soon as she managed to stop coughing and asphyxiating, he reached over, caught her by the chin, and kissed her. Their lips stayed pressed together. Finn could feel her body tensing in surprise, and then relaxing under his touch. By degrees, they then gently pulled away from each other, and looked shyly at each other. Finn was now sure that the feeling was mutual.

As soon as Carla got back to the hospital, she contacted the federation. Carla gave them all the information she had on Captain Janeway.

That night commander Chacotay got a message from someone named Carla Esponasosa. "Hello. My name is Carla Esponasosa, and I have information regarding the warebouts of captain Janeway…." Two minutes later, Chacotay was contacting the rest of the senior crew. They all lived within transported distance of each other, so tom, B'lenna, Harry, Tuvok, and the doctor were all there fairly quickly. Once they were all seated, Chacotay began. "a woman named Carla contacted me saying that she has seen the captain." There was a collective gasp that came up from every one.

"where?" asked tom.

"in Colorado." Anserwed Chacotay.

" Colorado?" said B'lenna skeptically. " Are you sure this isn't just a hoax?"

" All the same, we should go tomorrow, just to check." Answered Chacotay. Reluctantly the rest of the crew agreed. Tomorrow they would search heritage Colorado.


End file.
